Journal Entry 3

I remember this. I don’t miss this… the random crying. The jolts of unexplained pain. Sometimes. I’m ok, ok sometimes. I’m so good at pretending to be okay that even I believe it for a brief moment, at times. It’s like I forget. But, the pain when reality hits me is so harsh I can’t…

I remember this. I don’t miss this… the random crying. The jolts of unexplained pain. Sometimes. I’m ok, ok sometimes. I’m so good at pretending to be okay that even I believe it for a brief moment, at times. It’s like I forget. But, the pain when reality hits me is so harsh I can’t control the emotions that I feel. That is the best way I can explain it…

I have always been more comfortable alone. I even prefer to grieve alone. Ive always been this way. It isn’t that I’m strong. I just choose not to show people when I’m weak.

I’m not in shock this time… I’m in pain. It is so extreme that I can feel it in my bones.

Responses to “Journal Entry 3”

  1. DOUGLAS J WICKSTROM

    Ashley, sweetie. It’s not weakness. It neve was. That was old school boomer bullshit that’s been crammed down our throats. And, we aren’t passing that to this generation and we’re breaking the cycle. Feeling is the only way to put it behind you and move on. So, you can comfortably look back and see the good years. And more importantly, showing those beautiful babies that holding it in is NOT strength. It’s cowardice. Face your pain. Really feel it. Let it since into you. Then walk away from it and take the pretty parts with you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. craigparrish93

    You are strong smart person . And your not alone.

    Like

  3. Travis

    Ive lived this too 😦 the stress damn near killed me. I still cry randomly and its been 20 years.

    Thanks for sharing💜

    Liked by 1 person

    1. MsAshHole

      It is hard I’m so sorry.

      Like

  4. joyousllamace4892966c

    My mother was a violent drunk. I was had both my eyes blackened and swollen for spray painting in the walk in pantry when I was 9. I couldn’t see for a week. I didn’t go to school naturally. When I did, I told them I walked into a door. Not sure why I am telling you this.

    Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. MsAshHole

      Ty for sharing. It takes a lot to voice things like that.

      Liked by 1 person

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