Any and Everything

February 3, 2025

Wow. I know I have take such a long break from writing. It is not because I haven’t had things going on. Oh, I have had so much going on that I just could not find the time to sit down and write. Not in a way that I felt that what I would say would be of quality.

Life is slowing down a bit and I am loving that. I am at the tail end of getting my degree. I literally have one class left to do and then I am done. I have been working non-stop to get everything in order. It feels amazing to be able to see the end in sight. I don’t think it is the end of school for me but I am going to take a break before getting my masters. I need that.

I still have some issues processing the things that I have been through. Maybe not so much “issues” as I just don’t really care to talk about it all. I am still trying to be better about not sugar coating shit. I tend to gloss over things. I have to admit that is probably due to being raised with a Southern Baptist background. We don’t talk about negative things often we just avoid that altogether in hopes it all just goes away. We can be quite delusional in that way.

I will say that I have made steps to cut out toxic things in my life. I was very supportive of my children having a connection to their father’s family but I have decided to cut them out completely. His mother hasn’t even attempted to see the girls since the end of July. She was to keep them for a weekend. She called me the night I dropped them off to tell me she just couldn’t do it and I would need to pick them up the next morning. She has always been that way.

Their aunt actually went to get them since I was not in the same town as them at the time. I am so grateful to her. One of the twins had an emotional meltdown and instead of his mom being an adult, she was mocking my child as she was crying. This made my daughter extremely distraught. Cindy (my late husband’s mom) thought my daughter was recording her. She was not, she was on FaceTime with me. I saw this grown woman take her phone out and record my daughter while mocking her. I knew at that point I was never going to allow her to keep them overnight ever again. But, that is how she is. It is terrible she could have taken that incident and tried to connect with her but instead that is what she chose to do. Again, it is why I am so grateful their aunt was able to just go remove them from that situation. I was hoping it would be good for them.

I didn’t cut off communication, she could have called them at any point but she never attempted to do that either. Not until Christmas, and then she just wanted to know where to send them money. I suggested she send them a card. I was actually appalled that she didn’t want to see them or spend time with them. That is more valuable than money in my opinion. I still don’t speak ill of her in front of the children. Now, the older girls have formed their own opinions and they are not good. I can rest easily that I didn’t sway them either which way.

I just see no need to put them through the things that those people like to implement upon others. They will smile to your face and talk nasty behind your back. Along with doing things behind closed doors that hurt others. They won’t be allowed to do that to my children ever again. My mistake was hoping that the girls would be able to have a connection with their father through them. I knew better but I hoped that with their father not being alive anymore… his family wouldn’t treat them the way they did. I give some people too much grace. It isn’t like she ever took the steps to be in their lives why would this instance be any different?

We literally lived ten minutes from her for 12 years. She never even came to see them in all of that time. We stopped doing their family holidays when the twins were 2 because that Christmas set the tone for how those would go. She bought all the other grandkids gifts but ours because we “could afford” Christmas. The gifts weren’t important. It was really hard seeing the girls react to all their other cousins opening things and they had nothing. You can’t explain that to a two year old properly. So the best recourse was to subtract ourselves from that whole mess.

On a lighter note. I am going to be getting back to my journaling and writing. I have missed it so much. It is a good outlet for me. I tend to hold a lot of things in, with good merit. But, I do need to get back to working through the things going on in my head. My mind is always moving and working. I do have so much to update everyone with. As you know, I tend to be a little “here and there” because I cold write these, I don’t draft and edit. This is my journal and my thoughts are not always linear. I prefer the honest raw tone of it. It’s more therapeutic for me in the long run. So, expect to be hearing from me a whole lot more through this platform, as it is my goal to do this more often at least a few times a week. I do have a ton to update. I just don’t want to get into it all at once. For now, this is kindof my “restart.” I have to go adult a bit and who knows I may come back and write another post today 🙂

Thank you to those of you who take the time to read my ramblings. I promise to keep doing it! I hope you all have an amazing day and let’s make 2025 better than 2024. That’s the least we can hope for.