Any and Everything

February 21, 2024

Today is okay and I have totally been in my head a lot. I took time to have a few quiet moments this morning. It was relaxing till I couldn’t get Josh off of my mind. I will move beyond that. I think I will do more quiet moments over this next week. It really gets me thinking or not thinking sometimes and I need that.

I am fully letting go of the G thing. I don’t have to even say anything else to him. I can leave it how it is. We are not upset with each other and there is no animosity. That is the best place to end something… on good terms that is. I have completely cut that off in my head as of today. It is best to go with the head at times like these.A good friend send me a quote that I need to share here.

Reassurance is a love language for people healing from trauma.

I have never thought about it like that but it is so true. I didn’t know that is what I’ve been needing but I realize it now. I deserve that at the very least. I won’t be settling for anyone. Hell, I am not ready to settle down anyways. I have too much on my plate as it is to take that on. I wouldn’t be a good partner and I realize that. I can’t hurt anyone like that I would feel terrible if I did.

Too much life going on to worry about the things I can not control. But I will tell you I can control me and my actions. I will be implementing that thinking more as time progresses. I am okay with that.

Oddly I felt sad yesterday but today I don’t. Not even a little bit. Why should I? I have so much more than petty things to be upset about. This weekend I am staying home all weekend. I can’t wait.

Bottom line is I am going to keep pushing through all while keeping my emotions in better check. Good sex can equal emotions that are not real. They are acute. That is what I need to lean into. At this age that is not what matters most. I don’t want a repeat of my last 17, almost 18, years. I will not be doing that ever again.

Well, I suppose the house won’t clean itself, would be nice though, so I guess I’m done rambling for now 🙂