Any and Everything

February 16, 2024

I have been really digging into my thoughts. How do we know we really like someone? Is it when you think about them almost all the time? Oh, I am nowhere near there with G… I find myself thinking about him more and more. I think it is time I back away a bit. Because I am not ready for that and the cons far outweigh the pros.

I am going for an overnight tomorrow night. I am so excited I get to see my friend Brit. And I guess it is time I am honest. I am not attached or exclusive with G. That was voiced in the beginning of all this. He and I talked about the fact that I am not ready to be tied down and I don’t want to get married again. He said the same. My friend N is joining me and I do think I need that separation from G. N and I have had the same conversation about me not wanting to be tied down and he had the same standpoint. They are so different than one another. But I will say I like G waaaaaaaaaay more. Had he not pulled that ghosting shit I might feel differently. I feel, as an adult, when you get upset it is best to talk about it. He doesn’t do that he closes down and he will go radio silent if you know what I mean.

All of this just made me think…. How do we know we should be exclusive? I am not ready but how does one know? Should one have that talk with the other party? I don’t know and I have plenty of time to think on it. I really need to. I’m fascinated by what attracts us to others. I mean I have a set of physical traits that attracts me. But that is all superficial. For me it is more about in-person chemistry.

I think people think that if you don’t meet my physical criteria then there is no chance with me. That is by far not accurate. Personality trumps looks. Especially for women from what I have noticed.

February 17, 2024

I had such a good time last night and tonight I aim to also have an amazing time tonight. I will, of course, fill you all in on what happens. It is like my eyes are starting to open and things are finally becoming real real. I don’t really know how else to explain it. It is such a slow process. I wanted to rush it so bad but that just isn’t realistic at all. I wish there was a way to hit a fast forward button.

Actually, I don’t I need this time to work through things. I guess I am at that stage of acceptance and I realize I need the time to get better. That is okay. We all need a certain amount of time to process trauma. That is any trauma. I truly believe you don’t get over things you get through them.

Guess I need to go start my day. Have a great Saturday my wonderful friends!