Any and Everything

February 13, 2024

Well I was down on Sunday but by Monday I was totally better. I really thought about things logically. Ok so I’ll explain the situation.k And trust me I get his frustration. G came over on Friday and Saturday but I fell asleep early. I was exhausted from work, school, and kids activities. I couldn’t help it. So he stopped speaking to me for 2 days. He messaged me last night and wanted to know if we are still going out to dinner. My first instinct was to say yes so I did.

We shall see how that goes. Today I am taking care of a few things around the house. I am so very happy my TV got placed on the mantle I needed that change in the living room. It is just enough of a difference to make it seem like a whole new room.

My twins got into a fight yesterday. Of course, that ended quickly but not before they got in a few hits. I just thought to myself, “Well josh missed their first real fight.” I have a feeling I am going to think that a lot over the next many years. It is not a good feeling. No matter what was going on with us the kids deserved to have a sober and healthy father that was present. But that just was not in the cards for us. I feel like everyone experiences childhood trauma but my girls have layers of it. Stemming from having an alcoholic father and layered with his death from alcohol. That is a lot to take in as a teenager and a younger child That sense of loss doesn’t go away. I know first hand when my mom passed it was one of the hardest days of my life and we weren’t on good terms. It is hard just knowing she is not in this world anymore. I never imagined my parent dying. I assume it may be similar for the girls. But I was 30 and more capable of processing it Their brains are still developing and there is so much more growing that they need to do.

Well it is now 6am and I need to get dressed. Just know I am going to make this a good day no matter what. Have a good day y’all!.`