Any and Everything

February 10, 2024

I feel so sad. I wish I could explain more but I Don’t want to right now. I will but right now I need to see where a situation goes. I will talk myself out of this mood. I always do. I am just up at 4 in the morning crying. I don’t know how to explain it other than classifying it as rejection. I know I’m not being rejected but at the same time I feel like I am. That is a hard feeling to jerk yourself away from.

I am going to rest today. I just don’t feel like doing people. I am gonna relax and nap I need it. I am so inside my own head. I am super excited about just watching movies with the girls and staying in pajamas. It is supposed to rain today. We already had one downpour. It sounded beautiful. It always calms me, once I allow it to. I hope I feel better later. For now I am going to lay down and rest. I deserve it. I love how people forget others are also people and have feelings too. Why do I find all the selfish people to enjoy? That needs to change, I will work on that.

It is almost dinner time and we are having steak, potatoes au gratin, and broccoli. I feel so much better than earlier. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, or so I am told. So, I don’t. I am finally getting my TV mounted tomorrow and I couldn’t be happier. So excited really. I have been waiting on this for 3 long years. It isn’t that I didn’t try. It is that no one could do the job. I found a guy who will and I am very happy. Come Tuesday I start my normal schedule again. I need to organize this house too. It isn’t bad but I like to fine tune things every so often. G left in the middle of the night again. I fell asleep early. In my defense I stayed up a few nights working and it exhausted me. I finally feel rested I haven’t been able to say that in a minute. My sleep pattern is back on track. If someone is upset about that they can kiss me where the good lord split me. Y’all know how just insomnia alone can wear on you let alone if you work while experiencing insomnia. Oh well, time to let that go. Maybe for good. I’ve stated my peace to him I don’t need to further it.

I am loving the warmer weather we are getting down here. I don’t even mind the rain. I am scooting through life mostly happy I do have my moments as you well see above but they don’t last for days anymore. I am filling into myself. I am understanding that I really don’t need anyone as a love interest. It is good G is out. Even if he doesn’t think so he is. I am not even hurt. I thought I was but that wasn’t it. It was the feeling of rejection. We all know that feeling. It is a horrid feeling especially if the other person is terrible at communicating. But that is why it is a no-go for real. I can do better. And right now I need to work on me and the kids. I am focusing on that hardcore.

Plus I really enjoy that. I have nothing I would rather be doing. I got bored this weekend and finished all my school work for the next two weeks. I will still have to type it all up and submit it. But I am done with the hard part. I am tickled that ask me what my hobbies are… It is literally school, work, kids. That is all I really have time for. I love to use X (formally known as twitter) to get out of my head. I post every meme I think is funny… well all the ones I deem appropriate to share.

Well I am gonna get out of here and go start dinner. Have a wonderful Sunday night!