Any and Everything

I am coming to terms with my new normal and I like it. Well, I say that having only committed one day to my new schedule. It isn’t much different than my old schedule before Josh died. It is strange still.

I understand that a new normal is what is in store for me and to be happy I need some sense of continuity in my life. Control, if you will. I get up between 4 and 6. I wake the kids at 6. I take them to school and then I hit the gym. Monday, Wed, and Fri I hit the grocery store. Then I come home and do my hw and work. I then fill my day with house chores that I want to get done before the kids get out of school. Weekends are up for grabs.

It is a good feeling to know that I won’t have to question what to do. I don’t like to feel like I don’t know what I am doing. It is so easy to feel stagnant. That is what I need to avoid. I always want to feel like I am doing something, working towards something. It makes me happy.

Being happy really is the end game afterall. I do need to tighten up around the house I haven’t let it go to shit. Even though I say it has gone to shit. That is only because by my standards my house has… Gone to shit. Most people wouldn’t think it is bad but I notice the little stuff. I am going to have to work on all that. I also want to go through and reorganize everything. I may save that for my spring clean out.

Back to the subject at hand. I feel that moving forward requires us to have a new norm. Whether the loss be that of a parent, child, spouse, or even just a divorce. It is all loses and affects us all differently and to different degrees. This is the first time I have felt confident in a situation. That is an amazing feeling because I have been so ambivalent about almost everything here in the last few months.

Now, lets just see if I can stick with it. I know I have the ability to so lets just see if I can do it and really do it not just try. There is no reason why this doesn’t work and I have no excuses not to go forward with this plan. I love the mental clarity from working out. And homework and work are must do’s anyways. I know I have heard people tell me “one day you will have a new norm” and this is the beginning of it for me. The motivation that I have just from today. It is refreshing.