Any and Everything

January 29, 2024

Today I am meeting someone new… Maybe. I feel like it is time to branch out and make new friends. I mean don’t get me wrong I have friends but it is rough all of them being a couple of hours away. It would be nice to get out around here. I have thought about moving back home but I don’t want to. I don’t want to be back in that place. I love my house. Do I love the area? No but do I hate it? No.

I feel good this morning. Calm and centered. I like that feeling. I aim to go to the gym tomorrow. I need to get back into my routine. Working out can do wonders for depression. I always dread it as I sit in the parking lot. But, after it is always amazing. I didn’t start working out to gain the physical benefit. I did it to combat my depression. Working out stuck as a good way to keep my mood up and leveled out. I started with riding bikes but honestly it hurt my ass so much even with a padded seat so I nixed that. I go to the gym at least 3 days a week. I try to go 5 days a week and I usually make that happen. In the summer Ava goes with me sometimes and I always take Aria she goes to childcare. As a reward for being patient and working with me I always take Aria to the park for 30 minutes after the gym. She loves it.

I wonder what the future is going to be. Sometimes I dread the thought of it. Other times I am excited about not knowing. I always enjoy surprises. I am one of those people who liked to be surprised. For example, if someone tells me they have a surprise for me I don’t bother them about what it is. I look forward to the unveiling.

I have come to the realization that most people are good and I see the good in those that aren’t. But, I am sick of assholes. I don’t get why people go out of their way to try and make others feel “less than.” It seems like a waste of time when one needs to focus on themselves as opposed to others. But, I come across it daily. I am always asked how I find these people. They find me. They don’t expect anyone to combat their bad behavior but when I see it I just don’t stop myself. Someone ought to tell them they are being wrong and I don’t mind doing it.

I have been watching True Detective. I forgot how good of an actress Jodie Foster is. I am actually watching it right now. Gives me something to look forward to each week. That is being an adult in a nutshell. Excited over a show.

I am glad I have nothing negative as far as emotions go so far. I know it is still early but, like I said, I feel oddly centered today. It is a good feeling. A very good feeling. I have no real support system where I live. I have never really had one. I am used to taking care of myself. I don’t know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I will say I have found some support from friends I have made through social media platforms. Some of them I feel like I know like a best friend and that is nice. It is nice to have those other adults to talk to. To relate me. It is wonderful as I get to know them. I am getting better.

My sleep pattern was off the other day. I rubbed my eye the wrong way and opened up a laceration that I got the night Josh pistol whipped me with a loaded gun. When I open it up, and I do this occasionally, and close my eye it feels like something is stuck in it. When I open my eye it burns and waters. When I say it burns it is like I have been sprayed in the eye with mace. So very uncomfortable. It kept me up till I decided to smash my face in the pillow to just try and stop the pain. I ended up finally passing out. It hasn’t hurt since. I am grateful. 

Well it looks like I wont be having company which is fine by me. We already have conflicting lives so we decided to not pursue anything further. Just goes to show ya. I am not ready for the dating scene.

Guess I need to go and type out my school work. Thank you for listening to me ramble on about my life. I know I can be boring but I enjoy sharing mundane facts with you. I really do.