Any and Everything

I was just thinking. I can’t remember the first time Josh hit me. It happened so often that I can’t recall that incident. Before the hitting began. He would do things like throw biscuits at me becaue I didn’t hand it to him right. I don’t often think about those times but they are real and I have to work through them too.

The drinking began slowly and just got worse as the years drug on. The more he drank the more he would have temper tantrums. At least that is what I like to call them. So many incidents that I endured. Looking back now, I can’t believe that I allowed that to happen to me. The scars both physically and emotionally that I carry.

It wasn’t easy loving him but I did it wholeheartedly. I always had that hope he would put the bottle down. Obviously that never happened.

I’ve been pushed into a table, thrown on the floor, hit by something while sleeping, drug out of a car, my face slammed into the floor, pistol whipped, punched in the face, and so much more. That was my experiece living with an alcoholic. It is so easy to say, “Just leave.” I can’t even give anyone an answer as to why I didn’t just get out. I don’t know why I didn’t.

We always looked happy on the outside and there were good times. But today I have been thinking about the bad incidents. I just can’t stop.

I’m just rolling these thoughts around and I was hoping it would help getting them out. At some point I may go into details about the incidents but not yet.