Any and Everything

December 24, 2023

Today I woke up feeling content. Of course, I don’t have many mornings like this. I have everything prepared for the girls for tomorrow. I have everything for dinner tonight. I have everything for tomorrow already. It is a nice feeling. I tried to make this a really good year since the girls have had such a hard one.

Last night I went through a moment where I asked myself why I miss someone who was so mean to me. It’s sounds childish but mean is the only word that comes to mind. Josh was a wonderful sober person. But, he was a mean nasty drunk who did things that no one sober would do. I can’t imagine doing some of the things he did to me. The really messed up part is a lot of people. Didn’t know or so I thought. He became belligerent towards everyone.

Reflecting has been one of the hardest things. More and more the memories of the abuse are manifesting. I hate thinking about those moments but I guess at the end of the day I need to work through those too. I’ll never fall into anything like that again. I see every sign I missed now. It’s a pleasure and a pain.

As I sit here writing this my lover is waking. He is such an escape for me and he doesn’t even know it. I am glad we are on the same page with what this is. I would never want to hurt him in any way. He has been helping me through one of the hardest times of my life and my appreciation is immense.

The Elves brought the matching family Pj’s today. That will be fun to display. I always love that part of Christmas it is like we get issued a uniform and we get to wear it all day. I’m not going to lie we usually put them on as soon as we get them and wear them till the day after Christmas.

I am writing this post throughout the day. I think that will be how I do things for now on. When I feel like I’m done and said everything I need to say then I’ll post it.

So far today has gone on without a hitch and I couldn’t be happier. We put on our Pj’s. True to our tradition. Now we just piddle around and clean the house before Santa comes.

I can’t wait till tomorrow to see the happy faces of my children. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas Eve.