Any and Everything

I cried again this morning. I couldn’t control it. I tried. I’ve given up on N. I’ll no longer be proceeding with that he is a really good guy but I can’t anymore. I will never get attached to another man ever!.

I got my urn necklace in yesterday and I love it. I’d much rather have Josh here but … again… that was never my choice to make. It was always his. Sooooo not fair. I wanted to grow old with a sober him and only him. That won’t change for me ever. I won’t be caught in that quicksand pit ever again. Ever again! I promise myself that. The pain is unbearable. I honestly don’t know how I survived this twice.