Any and Everything

By

MsAshHole

·

Journal Entry 15

You know what is really hard? The fact that I see a lot of Josh in the kids. I’m happy I’ll still see a part of him but it reminds me of how much fun he used to be and why I loved him so much. It also reminds me that I’ll never see him…

You know what is really hard? The fact that I see a lot of Josh in the kids. I’m happy I’ll still see a part of him but it reminds me of how much fun he used to be and why I loved him so much. It also reminds me that I’ll never see him again. That’s the hard part. I thought we were supposed to grow old together. But that will never happen now. He will forever be 39.

I can’t properly describe the pain of being separated from him. It hurts he is dead which is so hard to say. I even forget and refer to him in present tense. I catch myself and I am instantly sad. I’ve been crying a lot more lately. The idea of the finality of this is setting in. Oh God, it really does suck.

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Responses to “Journal Entry 15”

  1. craigparrish93

    I’m so so sorry. People come into our lives . And go for whatever reason. I just have a feeling that somehow some way. We will see them .

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  2. Clifford K Somerville

    Ash,
    You will see alot not only in your girls that remind you of Josh, but different things you do everyday. Again Josh died of his own doing, you as you say nagged, nagged, nagged, but unfortunately Josh fell in love with alchohol more than you and your girls, which is a shame. You can’t blame yourself, always remember you did what was right for you and your girls. You protected them and yourself. And I think if you wirte this on a post it note and put in in your bathroom, bedroom, kitchen any place you can see it often, and repeat it “I protected me and my girls, I’m not a bad person” this will help you move forward. The pain and sadness will eventully go away. Yet again, it’s still to raw for you, it has only been a short time. You and your girls will make it through this.

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