Any and Everything

By

MsAshHole

·

Journal Entry 4

How to do the things I need to do… That is what I want to know. Im lost in emotion. Im drowning in sorrow. Sometimes, I literally can not breath. I want to just sleep until its over. Feeling is so not fair. I hate being vulnerable and that is what my emotions are rendering…

How to do the things I need to do… That is what I want to know. Im lost in emotion. Im drowning in sorrow. Sometimes, I literally can not breath. I want to just sleep until its over. Feeling is so not fair. I hate being vulnerable and that is what my emotions are rendering me. Vulneralbility I’m too stubborn to let anyone in. It’s mine to protect and that I will do. I will teach myself to hold back my emotions and reserve that piece of me for myself and the girls.

I know the pain goes away and one day I will have a happy thought of josh and I will smile with love insteadd of crying in pain. I know that. Ive been through it before but this was not puppy love and Josh didn’t want to go. I know he didn’t want to leave us. Hee had no choice at that point. I had no choice. It was just too late.

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Responses to “Journal Entry 4”

  1. craigparrish93

    I’m so sorry. You know your very strong. You have such strong loving heart. It’s going to get better.. ❤️

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  2. DOUGLAS J WICKSTROM

    Ash, stop fighting. This isn’t a battle to be won. It’s yourself. Remember. It’s a dance. I know we both suck at dancing. But, relax. Let the feelings hit. They do go away. Then, you can recover. But, the harder you fight yourself. The less effective this pain will be. Promise.

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  3. Foghappens (BB)

    It’s going to take a while and be the wildest roller coaster ride you have ever taken emotionally. Just go along for the ride, you have no control over it. Mine lasted a year and a half before I got back to being level headed. The grief doesn’t ever go away, right now it’s chronic but manageable. This is something that I believe has changed me, but am still trying to figure out how to describe it.

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  4. Cliff Somerville

    Ash when you lose someone that you love deeply to their soul and thet love you back the same way and all you can do is to remember that fantastic feeling when you were together it will take a long time before your heart ache will go away. Don’t try to hurry, take your time concentrate on you and your girls. The sadness feeling will lighten, but never totally go away. I feel you are a very intelligent young lady and have a great friend in Britt and I know she will be there for you whenever needed. You will make it hang in there.

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