Any and Everything

I am going to share my journal entries as I have written them with nothing left out. These entries start 2 days after my late husband died of cirrhosis. I never planned on sharing these with anyone. We were married for 17 years and have 3 children.

I’m conflicted at best. Do I mourn that my children have been robbed of a father or was it gods way of protecting them from all the trauma that surely comes when being raised by someone who is a mean drunk… Oh, how I wish the kids had known him long ago before the heavy drinking. They would have loved him. Reflecting is so painful for me… I’m not sure why… could be all the bottling up I do. I’m not doing that anymore. But it’s almost second nature. But,, I won’t do that ever again it is so unhealthy and the kids need me. Just like I need them. I can see the strength in each one of my children and I’m proud, grateful too. In a world as harsh as ours they need it.