Any and Everything

April 22, 2024

Today has been a good day. A typical day. I enjoy those. Tomorrow will be another typical day with the added bonus of a softball game. Our season is almost over.

Tonight I made a decision. I am cutting off Nate’s access to me. I will no longer be seeing him. I won’t be mean and ghost him or anything like that but what we did have, is no more. It is time to move on. We haven’t seen eachother in over a month and the last time all the effort was due to me. I wanted to see if he would make an effort he did not so I shall move on from that situation. I see it for what it is and that is my cue to leave officially.

I don’t have any ill feelings or upset about it. It is a good decision. Just a random thought but… I need to drink more water. We are doing a drunken spaces this Friday and I am so excited. I need to up my hydration now. I don’t plan on getting trashed but I don’t drink often and even sipping wine can get on top of you sometimes.

I have started getting my shit together. Things that I neglected in the aftermath of Josh’s death. I am nowhere near done but that feels good. I hate adulting. But I love being an adult. The double-edged sword that is…

For once in a long time everyone in my household seems content. That is an unusual feeling. I say that even though one of the twins and I had a blow out earlier. When I say “Blowout” it isn’t yelling, screaming, stomping around. We just bicker and then she texts me all sorts of childish teenage crap talking. But that resolved itself quickly with a phone call from her around lunch time apologizing. Not that it excused her temper tantrum but it was good effort on her part. I fully realize that I am dealing with a teenager who can’t always control their emotions and actions. I have to acknowledge some effort on her part and she didn’t have anterior motives… well if she did I still don’t know what they would be. She is a good kid she just has her moments. All of my girls are in therapy. I feel like that is helping them work through some of the trauma that they have experienced. I will say parents of teenagers are not given enough credit. This shit is hard on us and the kids.

I suppose I am going to tuck in for the night. I have to get back to adulting tomorrow. I hope you all have an amazing week. My goal is to write at least 3 times this week, even if it is just to ramble. Good night y’all ❤️