Any and Everything

Will I ever feel better again? I miss Josh more and more everyday. to be alone because he chose this for me… I wasn’t given an option in this matter. I just have to live with it. I don’t like living with choices I didn’t make. It sucks so much. But, I am living. I am not in shock a lot this time. I have my moments. I hate those moments they remind me of my old panic attacks, the ones I had after Robert died.

I’ve only had a couple of panic attacks since Josh but I’ve noticed I am able to control them more. I don’t meltdown in public even though I’ve almost done it. Nothing worse than a panic attack while out and about.

There is so much that goes through my head. Sometimes, I just want to shut it off. So hard… Impossible to do.