Any and Everything

I’m somewhere in the middle of the anger phase and the acceptance phase of grief. It’s just one of the ways this process has not been linear for me. I don’t remember if it was with Robert… Wow, I haven’t written that name in ages. God how I miss young love.

But with Josh it is different. We were together for so long. I always held out hope that he would get his shit together. Clearly that wasn’t in the cards. I don’t know if i’m devestated that he left me here alone or the fact that it has happened to me again.

Sometimes, I get angry about that. The natural, “Why me?” that we all think in horrible situations. God, I really do miss him. I know there will always be a piece of him in our children but that is not what I want. I want sober, happy Josh back. That’s all I have ever wanted. He is my bestfriend. The one I’ve spent over half of my life with… despite the miserable times I still love him.